Time passes quickly. I spend my days working, raising my children, loving my husband, working on my house. Sometimes I don't realize how long it has been that I have been outcast. I guess we never really leave the beliefs of our childhood.
I don't think I know anymore than I did last time I wrote. I don't know anyone else in this position. I know so many who have left the church. So many who belong. So many who were excommunicated and worked to get back in. But nobody, nobody, like me.
I wonder sometimes if I am just too prideful. I know I am stubborn, but am I stubborn at the price of my soul?
I know that they had every right to kick me out. I know that they had grounds and that my actions go against the teachings of the church.
I also know that they way I was treated was inhumane.
Is there really a difference in what they did versus how they did?
That is my question. I give them what they did. I can not get through the how they did.
If a criminal admits her own guilt to a crime, does it matter if the judge and jury tell her she is evil and will rot in hell as they condemn her to death? Does it really matter if they kill her lovingly or maliciouisly? She was, after all, a criminal. Their cruelty doesn't change her crime. Their imperfections and their guilt do not change her crime. So why does it matter?????
I guess the only answer I have to my own question is that it matters to me.
If the judge and the jury are criminals themselves, do they still have the right to condemn me?
LESSON: I don't have any.
MY TESTIMONY: I know God lives. I know He loves me. I know His son, my brother, lives. I know they are my family. I know the only way to return home is to be an example of Christ and spread good works upon the Earth. I know He hears me when I talk to Him. What I don't know is why I still can't hear Him anymore.